


Lack of Support / A Sign Of Virility

by dipping_sauce (metabaron)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humour, MWPP Era, Marauders era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-09-07
Updated: 2003-09-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 23:58:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1324081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metabaron/pseuds/dipping_sauce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A shortfic twofer set in the MWPP-era. </p><p>Snape hexes James. James hexes Snape. The consequences are hilarious, especially if you're Lily Evans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lack of Support

It jiggled.

Severus gave the other one a poke and scowled.

This would be very funny had it happened to anyone else - which, clearly, was the opinion of Evan Rosier, his _dear_ friend, who was at this moment rolling around on the floor on the other side of the bed, clutching his sides and screeching with laughter.

Severus made a mental note to give him a good, hard kick after Transfigurations.

He pulled his shift back on and sighed. With no idea what the counter curse was and class starting in a few minutes, he had no other choice but to let the spell run its course. Severus slid his robes over his head. They were very tight across the - area in question.

Severus, hunched down and arms crossed over his chest, left the dormitory. He could still hear Evan's hysterical laughter down in the Common Room.

"I hate you," he muttered, and meant it.

He made his way to class without passing anyone he knew, and slid into the furthest row in the back. Thankfully, no one had commented on his - affliction - on the way there.

Severus looked up and saw Potter sitting right in front of McGonagall's desk. He allowed himself the briefest smirk. That alone made - this - worthwhile.

"Mister Snape."

Severus started. McGonagall was glaring at him from the blackboard.

"I trust I do not want to know _why_ you are sporting a pair of ridiculously large breasts?"

Face burning from shame, Severus shook his head.

The tiniest of smiles passed across her face. "But this at least explains Mr Potter's magnificent set of antlers."


	2. A Sign Of Virility

Lily watched James enter the Common Room with a look of skepticism in her eyes. "I'd make a joke about your head not fitting through the doors, Potter, but, really, my heart's just not in it."

James sighed, dropped his bookbag to the floor, and stopped the careful, crouched, sideways shuffle that had been his only way of getting in and out of classrooms. "Thank you for your kind consideration, Evans. Thank you _so_ _much_."

She grinned widely. "Just how many bad antler jokes has Black made since you sprouted those beauties?"

"About a billion, at last count. I think he's still up in the Charms corridor laughing his stupid head off. And thank you for not doing _that_ , either."

"No need to worry, Potter. Got it well out of the way before you showed up. Banged my head on the floor and everything. Benevolence Carter told everyone about an hour ago." Lily paused. "She brought pictures, too."

"... I hate her. I hate _you_."

"Feeling's quite mutual. So who do I send the flowers to?"

"... Excuse me?"

"Who should I thank for your new antlers? They just go _so_ well with your personality."

"Bitch."

"Twat."

"It was Snape."

"Should've known. Sounded like his style - but you have so many enemies these days that it's hard to tell anymore."

"It's a large club, Lil. Maybe you can see if they'll elect you president."

Lily snorted. "If I were your enemy, Potter, we wouldn't be having this charming conversation. And I'd lose that election to Snape, and you know it. What'd you do to him this time, to bring this on?"

"Breasts."

"Breasts?"

"I gave him breasts."

Lily's mouth formed an 'O', and she made vague semi-circular motions with her hands over her own breasts. "You gave him... breasts?"

"Yep. Bloody enormous ones, too. G-cups, Sirius reckons, at least."

Lily blinked. She opened her mouth like a fish a few times, but no sound came out.

"G for git," James continued.

"Why? No, no, don't answer that, I don't want to know. This is too funny. I have to see it."

James gave her his suavest grin. "We have Transfigurations with the Slytherins in a few minutes. Snape's always early. If we get there before he does, you should be able to see him before he hides himself in the back."

"That, and you need someone to spot you when you go through doors."

James rolled his eyes. "Evans... "

She laughed, and he followed her as they made they way out of the room.

When she reached the Fat Lady's portrait, Lily stopped and turned to face him, a mischievous smile on her face. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you orchestrated all this just so I would walk you to Transfigurations." She paused, and her smile grew wider. "I mean, after all, you _are_ a-"

"Evans, _don't_ _you_ _dare_."

"- A horny bastard," she concluded.

"Fuck you, Evans."

"Fuck you too, Potter." But she smiled when she said it.


End file.
